


the city spins around

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Non-Terminal Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 23:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: But by the time Vancouver comes to an end they've had days of rest, and Phil's still just... tired. He sleeps harder, longer, and feels less rested.





	the city spins around

It starts as a series of little annoyances. 

* 

The frequent middle of the night interruptions. Dan gets used to hearing Phil get up on the tour bus. He thinks it's just Phil being restless, thinks Phil can't sleep well on the bus and wants to stretch his legs. 

But in a hotel room Dan still wakes to the bed dipping beside him. He rolls half over, slinging an arm over his eyes. "What...?" 

"Need a wee," Phil says. He sounds as sleepy as Dan feels. 

Dan’s breathing evens back out in the time he's gone, but something lingers near the front of his mind. "Didn't you already-" 

"Had to again." Phil crawls back under the covers, leaning in so his forehead is pressed against Dan’s arm. "Sorry for waking you up." 

Dan reaches out and pats his arm. "'s ok." 

* 

The thump when Phil takes a knee hard on the stairs going down to a dressing room. 

"Shit," he says, a stunned curse. 

"You okay?" Dan turns to look behind him. A frown draws at his mouth and he holds a hand out to help Phil up. 

"Leg fell asleep. Or... something." 

"Doesn't that only happen when you've been sitting on it?" 

Phil shrugs. 

He's shaking just a little. 

* 

The trip to Australia - Phil's exhausted before they even start. Something settles into his skin around the end of July and it doesn't leave. Phil says he's just older this go around, with a bite of resigned resentment. 

But by the time Vancouver comes to an end they've had days of rest, and Phil's still just... tired. He sleeps harder, longer, and feels less rested. He wakes up in the night sometimes feeling stiff and Dan can hear him pacing around the front room of their hotel suite. 

Phil gets angry when Dan comes to check on him. It's a role reversal from old fights, old tensions, and Dan’s not sure what to do from this side of it. 

He watches Phil on the plane ride over the ocean and tells himself they just need more down time scheduled in. 

*

It's morning and Dan’s on his laptop, checking emails while Phil sleeps beside him. He doesn't realize Phil’s awake until Phil says, "Dan." in a quiet but terrified voice. 

"What- when did you wake up?" He almost laughs but he sees the look on Phil’s face and the sound dies before it leaves his throat. "What's wrong?" 

"My eyes," Phil says. 

“Put your fucking glasses on,” Dan says, still trying to be casual about it. 

Phil just shakes his head. “It’s not that. It’s not the same. Everything’s doubled.”

Dan sits up with him for the next hour, arms around Phil. 

Phil’s vision clears eventually but he’s is quiet and withdrawn the rest of the day. 

That night he confesses that it's happened before. 

* 

Australia comes and goes. 

They only talk about it when it’s the two of them. 

Dan tries to talk Phil into seeing a doctor, but he won’t overseas. 

“The tour’s almost over,” he always says. “I’m fine.” 

And he is - mostly. 

Except for the circles under his eyes, and the way he has to walk more slowly and concentrate more carefully, and the times no one sees Dan reach out to steady him.

There aren’t as many nights out. There aren’t as many grand tourist adventures. But Phil doesn’t stumble much on stage and every fan gets their hug and one by one the days slip by. 

Then they’re home, and the excuses run out. 

*

The diagnosis comes slowly. The first doctor sends him to a neurologist. The neurologist schedules appointment after appointment. He gets his blood drawn a few times. There's an MRI, a spinal tap that Dan holds his hand through. Everything is done discreetly and professionally and on as expedient a timetable as the medical professionals will allow. 

The words are thrown around for ages before it becomes a definitive. 

Multiple sclerosis. 

*

"I'm not going to die," Phil says. 

They're in the back of a taxi after another appointment. 

Dan’s holding his hand. 

They hold hands a lot more now. Dan has the constant urge to reach out and touch, to have Phil near. It's partially because the touch seems to soothe some of the tension in Phil and partially just so Dan can remind himself of what Phil just reminded them both of out loud. 

Dan bites back the tried and true response of everybody dies. That's not what Phil wants to hear right now. That's not the person Dan wants to be right now. There's too much real emotion choking at him. "You're not," he agrees. 

They were both afraid, though they didn't talk about it much. This is bad, but it's not the worst. There are so many other things it could have been, so many things Dan saw during his four am internet spirals. They'll process this. They'll make a plan. They've got numbers to call, people to speak to. They'll figure it out. 

When Dan looks over he sees Phil crying. He knows every kind of cry Phil has, and he knows that this is neither happy nor sad. Phil’s overwhelmed, and that's okay. He'll process it in his own way. For now, Dan just holds his hand and sends out a quiet plea of gratitude to the skies. 

It's gonna be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewritten-for-2018 version of a phandom big bang fic that I started in March 2016, so it's quite literally a fic that I was too afraid to even finish.
> 
> [read and reblog on tumblr](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/post/177420988745/the-city-spins-around-rating-pg-word-count-888)


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